Is it because I queefed?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
