i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
