Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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