Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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