I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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