so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize