so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
