Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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