now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
