Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
