he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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