Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
