Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
honey bunches of taint.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
