sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
