how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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