i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
