haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
