The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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