They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
