I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
