this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize