I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
