Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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