she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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