i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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