you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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