mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
