As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
