you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
