I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
