I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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