Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
