and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
