Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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