The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
