i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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