we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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