she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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