Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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