So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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