i don't like sucking hair
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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