i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
