You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
