I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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