She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mom said you looked used
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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