Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
