I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
