I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
