You made me cry and you don't even care
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
