Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
