and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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