I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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