He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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