In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
