TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
