I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
And then he peed in my hair
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