It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
