I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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