Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
