Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
