He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
