I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
