i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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