Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
