is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
