I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
