look no pants
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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