I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
