i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
