I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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