I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
