I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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