I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
