Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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