Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
