Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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